[HarbourFront, Toronto]
"By the rivers of Babylon, There we sat down and wept, When we remembered Zion. Upon the willows in the midst of it We hung our harps."
"우리가 바빌론의 강변 곳곳에 앉아서, 시온을 생각하면서 울었다. 그 강변 버드나무 가지에 우리의 수금을 걸어 두었더니"
"How can we sing the LORD's song In a foreign land? If I forget you, O Jerusalem, May my right hand forget her skill."
"우리가 어찌 이방 땅에서 주님의 노래를 부를 수 있으랴. 예수살렘아, 내가 너를 잊는다면, 내 오른손아, 너는 말라비틀어져 버려라."
"I will give You thanks with all my heart; I will sing praises to You before the gods"
"주님, 온 마음을 기울여서 주님께 감사를 드립니다. 신을 앞에서 내가 주님께 찬양을 드리렵니다."
"On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul."
"내가 부르짖었을 떄에, 주님께서는 나에게 응답해주셨고, 나에게 힘을 한껏 북돋우어 주셨습니다."
"For though the LORD is exalted, Yet He regards the lowly, But the haughty He knows from afar."
"주님께서는 높은 분이시지만, 낮은 자를 굽어보시며, 멀리서도 오만한 자를 다 알아보십니다."
"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, And Your right hand will save me. The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands."
"내가 고난의 길 한복판을 걷는다고 하여도, 주님께서 나에게 새 힘 주시고, 손을 내미셔서, 내 원수들의 분노를 가라앉혀 주시며, 주님의 오른손으로 나를 구원하여 주십니다. 주님께서 나를 위해 그들에게 갚아주시니, 주님, 주님의 인자하심은 영원합니다. 주님께서 손수 지으신 이 모은 것을 버리지 말아 주십시요.
I experienced. I thought. I realized.
While I was on my way to sleeping place, I became lost. I knew that I should have prepared a detailed transportation plan, but I did not. One of the reason was to know whether I could hear what my heart says. I knew that I have been hearing that I need a more detailed transportation plan, but I believed that I can get through it with gut. And it dug my tomb.
There was some unexpected events. When I arrived in bus station to get a ride toward the sleeping place (찜질방!), it was 9pm, which apparently, the bus that I rode on the way to here in this morning was no longer in operation. So I had to go for an adventure and choose a different ride. Also, my electronic devices were out of battery. I could have asked some people, but I did not. I am normally a shy person, and my tiredness added onto it. I got onto a bus, and I got off from a random spot. Also,I realized that I did not buy the ticket for the bus, and the driver got accused me of not buying it. He was at firm voice that I have to pay, but I did not have change, He let me go eventually seeing that I do have money but no change.
The real problem started afterward. The weather was cold, and I had no idea where the heck I was. I started walking toward light where it seemed right. I walked for an hour which the clock was moving toward around 10:30pm. I was getting nowhere. I was scared. I did not have change to get on a new bus besides it is almost closing time for the bus. I did not know which bus to ride. I did not know where I was. I did not have any navigator or guide to lead me. I was lost in the darkness where random cars were passing me. There was no one to help me. I was already too tired from walking for whole day today and hunger. I could feel that my leg was in pain, and it was talking to me that "you have reached your limit." I could not just sit down at a random place where it is not my hometown!
So I kept on walking. But I still did not get anywhere. I started to feel that I just want to die in here. But something deep in my heart was telling me a different thing that I do not actually want to die. There was something that I wanted to accomplish in here, and I had to keep on walking and push myself. I did not want to die. Before then, I always thought that I wanted to die because life hit me hard. But when I was actually in a critical moment of crisis where I am actually in danger of becoming a lost child, I realized that I do not want to die. I wanted to survive and live.
I crunched my teeth and kept on walking. I saw a bus station. I had to wait in the cold. I could have gone into the (bus cabinet) but I did not. I was too nervous to rest in fear that I will die or be lost in here. I did not want to happen, but I was in panic. It was eating my nails. I asked for directions to the drivers, and they kindly helped me.
I began to use my brain and start to calculate what to have I left as if reality check. I got got scratch out of my pocket, I had enough change to get on the bus once more. using the picture that was left in my cellphone, I used as a guidance to get to the place. I saw realized that I had very little battery left on my phone. It was cold. I was hungry, I was tired. I was hopeless. But I wanted to survive. I wanted to live. I believed that God is alive. I believed that there will be people who'll be sad if I die. I believed that I wanted to accomplish something in this world, so I could not let my soul to die.
The condition that I was in pushed me real hard. Ha.....
After asking to the driver telling them where I had to go, I got onto the bus that the bus drivers told me to. When I asked them whether it goes to the place, the driver said yes. When I got off, I knew that I was nearby by Zizimbang, but I could not get the exact location. I had to stark walk again. This time, I cried real hard. I was tired. I was scared that I would have be lost forever. I was hopeless since I thought I would finish it within few minutes. I was like "asjdoqjsdoiahdsaiodhiofiohfoiahf my life is over!!!!!! AHHHH." I cried like a baby. It was 11pm. The street was dark and every place was closed.
I arrived at Zizimbang at 11:30pm. I got to the place after asking people who were gas station and donuts place. They showed me the way, but I was still lost. Thankfully, I arrived safely. I wanted to put in a record of that day.
I still remember the fear that I was captured, which after all, it was no that big of deal, but it was big dig of deal during that time. How did that happened? My careless preparation and stupid confident that I will arrive to the place safely. I realized that I have to live really hard. I realized that I wanted to accomplish something in here. I have a dream in here. I have a purpose of living here. I did not want to be lost. I wanted to be found. I wished someone to save me. I prayed that God will help me. I prayed that I can communicate with him during the hard time. I prayed that I will be safe. I was scared of uncertainty. My adventure of Canada ends in here. Next time, I want to be more reckless but more careful. I want to be more wise. I realized that I am actually wise though.
[Sorry for the grammar! I'll fix it! (one day...)]
인생을 빨리 살 필요 없다. 다른 사람과 비교하지말고 나를 바라봐라. 나는 내가 맞다고 생각하는 길을 내가 조정할수 있는 범위 안에서 길을 걷겠다. 설사 떄를 놓쳤다해도, 내 마음이 준비가되기전까지는 나는 할수 없다. 나는 마음을 따라가겠다.
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