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Weekly Devotion: Romans 8:38-39; Exodus 33:14; 1 John 1:7,9

Romans 8:38-39, "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Exodus 33:14, "My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest."

1 John 1:7,9, "But if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

The word for today: do not be deceived by Satan. Do not worry. Depending on emotion with Lord is sometimes dangerous, but (you) remember the Bible verses about God's love and forgiveness. And he will always forgive you no matter what.

Do not be a fool like me to write such things below. Remember that Satan is deceiver, and he always wishes us to be separated from his presence. However, our Lord's presence is always with us even when we are sinning.

Here is what I wrote when I felt separated:

Do not worship God for he is not with you. He does not love you. He does not want to be with you. That is why he does not come to you directly but indirectly looks at you far away. He is the worst parent who does not know how to handle his children. He does not wish to take away the sorrow of their children. What a worse dad. He does not care about his children. Only thing he does is just leaving a message of comfort and tells us that we need to be encouraged. Selfish and undesirable. No value. Unworthy.

But even if I complain like this, what can I do to go against my creator? He is strong and almighty. What can I do to hurt him? What can I do to make my father sad? I wish I could die. I wish I was not alive in this world. Why, why, why am I blessed? If I was not blessed, I could have put blame and curse him. But since I am not even cursed compared to those people who are living on the street deadly waiting to die, I have a place where I can comfortably eat and sleep. I cannot complain. I cannot blame. I am blessed.

There is no point to express this sorrow. There is nothing to be done. Keep complain and realize that this is just ridiculous. I really do not have things to feel sorrow although I do. I am lonely, but I do not wish to be part of this world. Although I cry out everyday to be saved, I am tempted to become part of this world for I do not feel I am saved or forgiven.

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What I could observe from I wrote previously is that I am constantly fighting. It is indeed fearful and scary how I was captured by such deadly feelings and thoughts. Those are not truth. I need to constantly remind myself what Bible says about those things. Otherwise, I may end up falling into hell where I see no light.

Thank you Lord for reminding the truth. I will not give up Lord. But when I do, please save me.

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